Uncategorized

#KoolMitt: Romney's New Look

In perhaps the greatest development for high-end fashion since Derelicte, witness the look being modeled by Mitt Romney on the campaign trail this year: Averàge.

Averàge is designed to give the impression that you’re just an average guy. With the help of a team of image consultants, Mitt Romney’s traded in his suits and ties for jeans and loafers. And while his wallet may still be flush with the money of someone who owns a couple mansions, that wallet is now in a pair of jeans that says “Corporations The super wealthy are people too.”

And for that extra “cool” factor, you can even supplement the look by lying about smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer once.

Averàge is the perfect complete transformation for the candidate who wants voters to know that stances on the issues aren’t the only thing that can be abandoned and changed if you think it might help you have a better chance of getting elected.

We can only hope that this fashion trend continues, so that by 2020 Mitt’s quadrennial failed bid for the presidency will see him wearing a tank top and actual flip-flops on the campaign trail.

Background

Romney Tried Appearing “More Casual” By Wearing Jeans And Loafers Instead Of Suits And Ties. According to The Boston Globe, “As he reintroduces himself to Republican voters, Mitt Romney is increasingly trying to highlight a more casual side of himself and erase the image of a stuffy businessman who spent a career in boardrooms and owns three homes on both coasts… He almost never wears a tie, opting instead for a striped, open-collar shirt, loafers, and blue jeans (alternating between the fashionable Gap 1969 variety and a pair of old standard Levi’s 514)… But some suggest the updated style runs the risk of making him seem calculating, and willing to change his image if that’s what it takes to become president… ‘Somebody’s told Romney, ‘Your hair’s too perfect and you’re always dressed to the nines,’ said Bob Vander Plaats…It all has the effect of making Romney look not like a president, but like an average person, reflecting the calculation that his advisers already think he looks presidential but still needs to connect.” [The Boston Globe, 6/8/11]

Romney Paid Boy $5 For Origami Bill After Only Finding $100 Bill In His Wallet. According to The Washington Post, “As he worked the tables at Brewery Bar, a Mexican joint in an Aurora strip mall, Romney was loose and appeared at ease… At one table, a boy offered Romney a $1 bill that he had folded origami-style for good luck. The candidate happily accepted it, but then rifled through his wallet looking for money to give the boy in return. Romney had a $100 bill, but evidently did not want to give that away. An aide handed him a $1 bill, but Romney said that wasn’t enough. Then, deep inside his leather billfold, Romney found a $5 bill. ‘We’ll give you an Abraham Lincoln back,’ he said, handing it to the boy.” [The Washington Post, 6/21/11]

Massachusetts Taxpayers Paid Minimum Of $454,000 And Other Expenses For Romney’s Image Team. According to The Boston Herald, “Massachusetts taxpayers funded more than $106,000 in airline tickets, high-priced hotels, luxury cars, travel to the Super Bowl and valet parking, among other expenses, for young staffers charged with making Gov. Mitt Romney look good. A Herald review of expenses charged to taxpayers by Romney’s 13-member Office of Operations shows the staff spent $24,974 on sound equipment last year, and another $14,429 for a lighting system for a Romney event. Thousands of dollars also were spent…for the governor’s appearances in and out of state. Taxpayers have laid out a minimum of $454,000 in 19 months for Romney’s ‘image team,’ records show. The Herald reported this week salaries for the office cost $350,000, including pay for four employees who do strictly ‘advance’ work… A Romney spokesperson defended the office in a statement…saying: ‘The Governor is the chief executive office of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. All of the expenses incurred by the governor’s office are reasonable and appropriate for carrying out the ceremonial and business functions of the office.’” [The Boston Herald, 7/23/05]

Romney Recorded Payments Of  $300 For “Men’s Grooming And Spa Services” To California Company. According to Politico, “What kinds of things do you think of when you hear ‘communications consulting’? Speechwriting? Message strategy? Well, ‘communications consulting’ is how presidential candidate Mitt Romney recorded $300 in payments to a California company that describes itself as ‘a mobile beauty team for hair, makeup and men’s grooming and spa services.’ Romney spokesman Kevin Madden confirmed that the payments — actually two separate $150 charges — were for makeup, though he said the former Massachusetts governor had only one session with Hidden Beauty of West Hills, Calif. That was before the May 3 Republican presidential debate at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, Calif., co-sponsored by MSNBC and The Politico. ‘We used them once but booked time twice and still had to render payment for the appointment time,’ said Madden, who said the disbursement was listed as ‘communications consulting’ because it was paid from the communications division’s budget.” [Politico, 7/16/07]

Romney Mocked John Edwards’s $400 Haircuts. According to the Associated Press, “Romney also used the hair discussion to take a jab at former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina, a Democratic presidential contender who recently acknowledged getting $400 haircuts. ‘There’s two Americas you know,’ Romney told Leno, mocking Edwards’ trademark expression. ‘There’s the one where you get $400 haircuts, and then there’s everybody else’s.’” [Associated Press, 5/3/07]

2006: Asked By CSPAN If He Had Ever Smoked Cigarettes Or Drank Alcohol, Romney Said “No, No, Never Did.” Romney Said He Had “Never” Smoked Or According to The Huffington Post, “Mitt Romney showed a bit of a human side in a recent People magazine interview, divulging that he once ‘tasted a beer and tried a cigarette.’ Romney was hardly letting his hair down with the revelation. But it did show that he has the ability to be more relaxed than he usually presents himself. And yet, even this banal anecdote isn’t friction-free for the Romney camp. For what it’s worth — and it’s not worth that much — Romney answered the same question quite differently in the past. ‘I assume, no smoking or drinking?’ he was asked during a February 26, 2006 CSPAN interview, reviewed as research for a separate project by The Huffington Post. ‘Yeah, I don’t smoke or drink,’ Romney replied. ‘Did you ever?’ ‘No, no, never did,’ he said.” [The Huffington Post, 11/30/11]

2011: Romney Told People Magazine “I Tasted A Beer And Tried A Cigarette Once, As A Wayward Teenager.” According to Politico, “A bombshell revelation in the upcoming issue of ‘People’ magazine: Mitt Romney has, in fact, tasted alcohol, and also tried a cigarette, despite the Mormon Church’s prohibitions on drinking and smoking. The shocking admission, previewed in excerpts of the Dec. 5 issue: PEOPLE: Have you ever had a beer? Romney: Never had drinks or tobacco. It’s a religious thing. I tasted a beer and tried a cigarette once, as a wayward teenager, and never did it again.” [Politico, 11/21/11]